My greatest fear

Actually, my two greatest fears. Both linked and related.

1. Summer is over. Europe encountered a heat wave this summer that resulted in Belgium bathing in 30+ degree heat for at least two weeks. And the weeks surrounding those two weeks, were 25+. It was glorious, it was wonderful, it was summer.

It is over. It was only 1 month.

Reaching 20 degrees is now highly unlikely. And for the last week, if not more, it has rained every day. Now it is the Belgium I remember so well. The chances of it reaching back up to somewhat summery weather and temperatures is not looking likely. The remaining of this week is scheduled for rain every day. And not just 'showers with burst of sunshine' or symbols of clouds with half a sun behind it. It's simply 'rain' and grey clouds with dotted lines falling from the bottom of it.

Not kidding, today's weather, and yesterdays, and likely tomorrows is the same weather as a Hawkes Bay winter. But in Belgium's summer.

2) I have no tan lines. Never before has this happened where I go through a summer, and I don't gain a tan line. Come to think of it, I haven't even worn my bikini, togs or gone swimming this summer. NEVER has this happened.

What scares me however, is the fact that I am all over white. I have no tan lines. Imagine what I will look like come the middle of winter. I don't have a tan to lose. I only have whiteness to get whiter. I will look like, I'm British. With an oddly flat nose.

Who am I? Lost I am.

Lost. I often find myself feeling a little lost from time to time. Lost in the city, a regular occurrence in Brussels at the moment. Lost while on attack in Touch, due to my lack of the 'cool' maori traits such as pace, a sidestep or mean dummy. Lost in life, sigh, as planning visa by visa, year by year can only allow for so much direction.

Or as recently, lost in languages. And no I'm not directly referring to being lost in the French Language, although this is entirely true. I don't know what's up or down in French. Literally. I don't know those words yet.

But, I just received an email from a close friend. A friend who has excellent and often very proper English. A friend who considers 'good grammar' a necessity when dating a guy. A friend who is from New Zealand. A friend who has the same mother tounge as I. Yet, she sent me an email and I didn't understand it all because of the slang and language.

I know that New Zealanders have a terrible habit of shortening all words to abbreviations, for what reason I am unsure. Apart from making us sound closer to Australians, and therefore less intelligent, I am not sure why we continue to do this.

Because of FOMO? We might not get invited to something unless we drop a couple of letters, or words. Because we are now so busy that we don't have time for Breakie so therefore reduce the word to suit the situation? Isn't it all a little OTT?

But then, a new one is thrown at me. Yes, I understand in context what this new abbreviation is. But what word it comes from, how it applies in the situation, and how common it is - I have no idea.

Which then in turn makes me feel lost. And then I feel a little 'emo' about it.

I don't understand New Zealand slang or lingo like I should. There are new words that I don't know or understand. I therefore, in conclusion, am possibly losing my 'touch' with New Zealand English. And to be honest, each time I see a group of New Zealanders together, I have trouble understanding now. It worries me as to how much I have to concentrate to listen, to catch every word and to fully understand everything.

I don't understand New Zealandish anymore. And it is the only language I have hope of fully grasping at the moment.

Mon francais, oui, parfois c'est beaucoup mieux. But most of the time I get lost and I don't understand, so I guess at what is being said, and then I get strange looks with the responses I make. Firstly because I answered the wrong question, and then surely secondly, I answered the wrong question the wrong way anyhows. My grasp on basic french is weak and sloppy. Comme un bebe avec sa cuiller. Weak and sloppy.

So lost I am. Who am I? I can't keep up with the new words of New Zealandisms. Yet, I can't learn quick enough the in's and the out's of French. Or should I be saying 'les dans et les dehors' du le Francais?

Lost has no grasp on languages. Lost is settled in amongst some isolated emotions now. Lost is me.

Lost thinks Becky should start using correct English again.

Small achievements are achievements none the less

Week 3 of 52 living in Belgium has passed. Of all the weeks I have been here, yes all 3, it has probably been the most productive. Kind of. Now would be my chance to hit Backspace and delete those words. Do remember I am unemployed, so 1 simply activity per day makes me feel productive.

The previous week I had a ridiculously annoying cold/flu sickness thing. It managed to knock me around a bit, feeling overly feeble, spaced out and coughing too much for my own comfort. This week I finally managed to get over it. Achievement 1. And the positive out of this sickness - my new french sentence. Je ma sent un peu malade. Thus, reaching Achievement 2.

Also, I finally managed to organise a meeting with a school about some teaching work! It doesn't sound like it will equate to a lot of hours, but at the moment, it is just nice to finally hear back from a school. And have some interest taken in me! I'm not usually one for attention or a need of interest taken in me. But when this interest is going to equate in some money, I like it. Honest money. Not interest taken in me while standing on a street corner kind of money. Although when I went to open my bank account this week, the lady asked if I worked for the sex industry. It was an option (as area of work) for her to chose when setting up my account. She thought it was hilarious. Considering the language barrier we were facing, I thought it was a little awkward. So Achievement 3 and 4. Meeting with a school, and being asked if I'm a prostitute (while opening the account).

Loyal readers may recall how I used to meet a girl in Paris to try and do a language conversation exchange. You create a profile online, and it feels somewhat like a dating service. Someone reads your profile and then they contact you to see if you would like to meet up for a drink and 'exchange languages'. It feels a little strange the whole situation, but I updated my profile to allow me to do it here in Brussels. And this week, I went to meet Yasmine. A 33 year old french speaking Belgian. I was expecting a straight and narrow EU Commission worker, but got an ex-EU Commission worker who is actually a Tattoo Artist and Book Illustrator who has just left the commission to start up her own tattoo business full time. And she's lovely! Achievement 5 - Success with the dating service. Great girl. Excellent english with a want to practice speaking with a different accent and new expressions and an outstanding understanding of her own language. She was able to quickly explain many grammar questions I had about French. I'm really hoping she will be able to help me along a bit with my french.

Some may know that the house I am now living in (I still find myself referring to it as Denis' House. Not yet my own) has a massive backyard. It's awesome, and I love it. Drinking a tea outside with my book is a common pastime for moi pour le moment. The boys have been doing a lot of work trying to create a new vegetable garden. This week I made my contribution and weeded around the small courtyard with the table just outside the backdoor where you can sit in the sun, eat, drink and Be. I weeded for so long that I gained a blister my parents would be proud of. And I planted new flowers that should hopefully flower within the next month. It was surprisingly fun, and has given me a new interest for my daily activities. Talk, sing and watch my flowers. Achievement 6 - gardening and blisters.

6 Achievements, and it's only Sunday afternoon. That's one achievement per day with Sunday's currently in progress. Stewed Rhubarb, although last I looked I maybe had a little too much water in it. Happy days!! Can't wait to eat some with Museli and perhaps a little cream. And so, I complete, Achievement 7 - Stewed Rhubarb.

1 achievement per day, makes one successful week.

Les Vacances avec Denis, en Australie et Nouvelle Zélande

6 weeks of holidays. 10 days in Mooloolaba, Brisbane and then onto 4.5weeks of blissful fun in New Zealand. You could guess I was somewhat OVERLY excited. Seeing the family, The Nevsters 60th, Australian weather and NZ scenery.

Family - awesome. Great seeing them all and everyone is in great form. Chanel had a wonderful rock on her finger, and has set a date for her wedding. December 18th 2010. Bridesmaid - moi. yep. Alby was in classic form, and tried his hardest to get Denis drunk - achieved somewhat too. Matt was great, and towards the end of the holiday rang to inform me that he finally dropped a knee and threw a ring on Launa's finger. Happy times all round, yet to hear of the date for their wedding. Another trip home.The Nevsters 60th - awesome. Pre holiday I was unsure as to how family dynamics would work with ALL of us together for the first time in perhaps 4 years, plus additions of partners and the like. Worked surprisingly well, and was heaps of fun. Dad had plenty of drinking partners, and mum had plenty of coffee partners. It seemed to work. The day of Dad's birthday was nice with a family breakfast and a few presents given. Got the moustache moving a little, and a hint of a smile. For the evening we had drinks, and then went out for dinner. Nevster was his quiet usual self, but I can't help but wonder if he was just a little bit emotional.Australian Weather - far from awesome. When we flew out from Heathrow it was snowing. Our thoughts were somewhere along these lines "It's gonna be so hot in Aussie, and so sunny. I can't wait to get a tan, and stop being so sickly white" The actual weather went somewhere along these lines: Day 1 - blue skies and sunny. Day 2 - Tropical storm comes through, absolutely pours with rain. Day 3 - Storm still present, also very windy. Day 4 - No change. Day 5, 6, 7, 8 and 9 -It has now been named the 100 year Storm, and floods major parts of Queensland. Day 10 - Clearing with sunny periods, some clouds and wind.NZ Scenery - There is nothing like home. There is nothing like Napier on a sunny day. There is nothing like the winding roads that wrap along the coast line in New Zealand. There is nothing like Pohutakawa trees hanging over the sand or coastal road in the afternoon sun. There is nothing like coastal bush walks with stunning cliff top views. There is nothing like climbing over rocks on beaches in the Coromandal. There is nothing like the cruise through the Marlborough Sounds on the InterIslander (or Denis throwing up on it). There is nothing like sunny evenings in the backyard at Mum and Dads place. Home was bliss. There is nothing like it.

Sweet, short and non-overwhelming

My new philosophy of email writing, is being introduced to blog writing.

I often log on to this page, look at my last entry, think about how much has happened in the OVERLY large amount of time that has passed by and how it will take sooooo long to write about it.

And how many of you people are there actually reading this?

And so, as someone pointed out recently "If you want Coleman to reply to an email, just write her a couple of sentences and she will reply. Because if it's short and sweet, then she will reply right then and there and not feel overwhelmed or obliged to write an equally long email in response"

This strategy was adopted, utilised and now to be reported on as, Successful.

And so for the blog; short entries, remarks more than stories, observations rather than reports, updates rather than essays.

The New Year approaches. A new chapter begins.

Some may consider that the New Year has already passed. Others may be weary of the approaching Chinese New Year. And if you're me, then you are only focused on the 'New Year' that is determined by the expiration of one's visa, and consquently the movement, yet again, to another country.

And so the New Year approaches....

Only one week remains here in Paris. I finish work next Friday, and will be leaving Paris on the Sunday - 21st February 2010.

New Years often signal the closing of one chapter and the beginning of another. And should I give title to this chapter, I would use the words 'Delicious' and 'Charming' in it somehow. Because that is how I would summarize my year in Paris. Delicious and Charming.

Delicious food. Delicious wine. Delicious cheese. Delicious weather. Brocantes, Boulangeries, Buildings. Gardens, Grass. And charming local people. Charming Patrice from the pub downstairs. The charming man at the Tabac on the corner who waves to me everyday. The charming security guards at Banque de France who laugh at me everytime I have lessons there.

A friend asked me recently if I achieved everything I wanted to achieve while here in Paris. True to my drifting nature, I didn't actually have any aims or objectives for my time here. I have loved it, and if I was able to obtain another visa I would without a doubt have stayed here for longer.

When I look back on my year and think about what I enjoyed so much, I think it was my time on my own. Surprise. Yes, I have always been a campaigner for Your Own Company, but this year has been somewhat a self-indulgent year for this. After being amongst such a large group of friends in Seoul, and finding some difficulty with it towards the end, coming to Paris was a large sigh of relief. And it was largely the same situation as when I moved from Dunedin to Melbourne.

And the apartment. Charming... definitely a charming apartment, and one I have thoroughly loved living in. I am truly sad to be leaving it behind. Despite the near freezing temperatures during winter and the crumbling parts within, it has been my private abode of wooden beams, leaking water and mice. Many a guests have commented on it's charm, and I quote "It's just so You Kiri"

My whole experience in Paris has been blessed with luck. Luck with the apartment, luck with work and luck with people.

But as 'Delicious and Charming' closes, thus opens the new chapter. Presently sans title, but avec some details and emotions. Pre-Paris I would not have predicted at all that the following chapter would be as it is. The details for the following chapter are set out below.

Setting: Brussels, Belgium
When: Arrival April 8 2010
Additional Main Character: Denis Bodart
Other Characters: future housemates; Tom, Marie-Annick, Denis, Mercedes plus more to follow. Patricia (from Seoul days)

Story Outline:
Yes, the return to shared housing. Including myself there will be 7 others. All of whom are native french speakers. I will have another working holiday visa which will allow me to stay for only 1 year, and so the job hunt will start immediately upon my arrival to Brussels. I will look into teaching again, but if able to move away from this it would be cool. Although this is exactly what I said when I came to Paris. Touch will be reintroduced into my world hopefully, provided trainings and games are easy to get too.

Expectations: None. I will continue to drift. Meander is still my favorite word.

It is a strange feeling to be leaving a place when not ready too. Every other time I have left somewhere I have always been really over it, and looking forward to leaving. I am excited about doing something new, moving somewhere new, and calling an end to the constant communication through a computer, but it's strange to be leaving somewhere earlier than expected. Paris still feels unexplored and unfinished. Still too much contentment with day-to-day life to just walk away from.

Any regrets for Paris? No. But I do wish I had been more aware of the work situation throughout summer. And I wish I had gone to more galleries and museums earlier, instead of waiting for money or bad weather. Money never came, and the weather just made me want to stay at home.

I would love to come back and live in Paris with money.

Favorite places or memories? Jardin de Luxembourg and Montmarte. The markets by my house on Saturday mornings and it's awesome dip. Picnics in summer. The Boulangerie by my house. The reaction I get when I walk into Bar des Artisans, the pub downstairs. Patrice. The many walks and scouting for cheap beers with Denis. The day we found 2.50euro pints, in the sunshine with live music. The rain when I'm in my apartment. Seriously the list goes on.

Such a difference in memoirs to be leaving a place while still in love with it.